Shall I?

I'm pretty darn weak somehow for the past few days, besides enduring the pain, my brain is then envisage strange things that shouldn't been. But no matter what it was i tried to divert my attention to other stuffs such as being around friends and not thinking about it while although the pain is fizzling out my body.

I have no idea why nowadays the same routine of me being in anguish pain starts to get more intense than ever, am i suppose to be curing with the medication? Sign.

But whatever the aftermath is, i know I've did my very best to fight this as a fighter and not a loser. If my time is up, well, i know I've done the very best to get myself going with my family and friends.

★FiR.

(:

Just want to spent this last few minutes I have spare to say a special thank you to someone(s);

Syahirah, thanks for the never ending advices you always gave to me and I am always heeding to all you advices if you yet haven't realized. Thank you Sis (:

Aliff, thanks for always listening to my problems, which right now i realized, you had always been there whenever i need you, every single time. Thanks bro. Your help may not be appreciated physically but deep inside, I do bro. (:

Aiman, hey, I want to say a big thank you for what you have said to me and been there the other day. For you to come the other day to just hear a pathetic five minute problem I had was a very sweet gesture, thanks man. What you said in the conversation today really touched me. See you at work bro. (:

Atiqah, thanks for letting me pour out my anger on you that particular time. I do not know how to thank you but by saying thank you is not enough. I hope what I've said to you about your soon to be boyfriend could help your doubts that you've been having. Thanks lots (:

To this two special person;

Sakinah/Apen, Sis, i do not know how to thank you already. You never fail to be there for me. You know whatever I've said yesterday i meant it to the bottom of my heart. Every single word spoke was one in a million feelings I've been keeping. You know you have been the best everything to me. We kept fighting but we know how much we meant for this friendship. I finally found another true friend, like you. Thanks for being by my side and will always do alright sis? Thank you so much sis (:

Salihin/ Sally, like you mention the other day at Changi, "maybe perhaps, who knows, you appreciate me as your brother.. " Well, I'm glad that you said that cos I am indefinitely take you as my own elder brother, your advices are all so appreciated. Your jokes that make me laugh continuously which is a good medicine for me whenever I'm down. Your presence are what that counts right now. Your friends are equally the same as you. Thank you so much bro, really. (:

★FiR.

Is this for real? Goodbye?

If this how wonderful how gaia looks like in another side of the world, I'm more than happy to stay there as long as this lungs still able to take in oxygen into my body. I'm more afraid than ever. I definitely do not want to think about it or being too pessimistic about the current condition I'm trying not to but with all the concurrent incident that happens towards my own self that I can't deny it. I am someway living in a world that have the same synonym of "hanging by a thread".

I'm totally not ready to face that five horrific letter word that prolly the last think people would ever think of. I have lots to explore, I'm only 18 but why am i getting closer to it. Its not my mindset or mentality, i swear. Its signs, I'm not too superstitious about it but those every single signs is the same thing ever happen to my late mother.

Can I have the last wish fulfill by you please?

Oh and Ria if you ever happen to ever read this, somehow, someday, I am truly sorry for that particular incident i reacted towards you. That adolescent attitude I was upon you is totally a regretful thing I've done. I'm so sorry. Its alright if you do not want to forgive me or treat me like how you treated me, cos, I've said sorry, and I really don't like how cold we are towards each other now, truth is, I miss you. Thanks for that memories I had with you. Good Luck.

★FiR.

You know how life can be, it changes over night

Ignore the last post, its just a spur of the moment. I have no idea why i love to overreact.

I have no idea why am i always feeling this way (not the overreact part). Its always play around my mind like a rhythm keep on playing over and over again. I'm feeling so apprehensive towards every single situation.

I really need to get out from this house. I hate staying at home.

Dahlia, if you reading this, you know you have a "date" with me once O's are over.
:)

★FiR.

Your appearance are making me puking blood. What a nuisance.
Thinking that by rolling your eyes at me yesterday will make me affected by your cold treatments.
Guess what? You acting like a bitch asshole.

hah, wasted my time writing this nonsense.
Pathetic.

Trusting my own Instict.

Well, at first, it was kind of hard to make you history in my life, cos i guess, the months we had together, but now, making you true history is as simple as A,B,C. I'm not a single affected without your presence in life. You're just an ordinary bystanders who come and go. I'm capable finding a new one, this isn't desperado, its just a sign of me falling in love with a new girl as each day past by.

Like seriously, i need to break myself free from this shell.

I've realized that every time Sally advice me something, its always turns out to be a fact reality.
Thanks bro (:


★FiR.

Wondering and FIxing.

For four days in a row, i kept dreaming something that i shouldn't have. I'm really am afraid at this moment in time if anything ever happens. Remaining days left here are all worth it, be it good or bad, I'm thankful with whatever I'm having or left with.

On a lighter note, 2 movies back to back, two days, Coffin and High School Musical 3. Well, Coffin is such a disappointment. Looks can be deceiving, so that explains the whole concept of the show. The poster and ads are much more scarier than the actual 2 long boring hours. On the other hand, for the fact that I follow up High School Musical 1 and 2, the 3rd one is must see for me. Nothing much new, just that everyone is getting into college and how their senior year in high school comes to a good end. 3 popcorn out of 5.

Sally, Shikin, Ijan & Ariff was a great group to be with the yesterday and today. They are fun people to be around with. And for the S.G and Stooges group, yesterday was Bing An's birthday, happy 18th birthday. (:

★FiR.

Arduous Alley Journey.

Walking down the alley almost every time alone seems pretty repetitious. With just a straight unhampered path with no one by your side to keep your mundane days accompanied, its gets wandering at times like this. I can't get myself over yesterday's incident. Everyday I keep praying to god that you'll just be safe without me but at the same time, hoping you come back to me. You're the closest thing i ever had for the last 7 months. Means alot to me. Will you ever . . ?

Plus, there's so many fond memories that can never ever be forgotten with you.

Anyway, i am quite excite about the entrepreneur trip to Vietnam, i didn't realized how much cash is in my PSEA account. Its close to 1.4 k. Woah, if only that money is usable for normal use. Plus anyway, most of my clans are going there. It will surely be one opportunity that can never be miss.

Alright, i have Business Enrique and Grooming phase test 1 coming up pretty soon.
One of the elements in it, is my nails, i need manicure, hahahaha, how sissy is that? Anyone willing to do it for me? Its just a one day show thing to show how well I'm groomed. Its so pesky situation, i mean, in a perspective of a guy that is, boys = manicure? You judge.

Before i am frequently waking up at 6 but going back to bed and waking up back at close to 9 a.m, heading to school almost late all the time, better get some sleep now. I've not been tapping my card to school ever since, will this affect my GPA? Anyone knows about this?

Okay, i so missed DAHLIA PUTRI!
Where've you been princess?
Can't wait to meet you (:

★FiR.

Please come back John.

Look at those empty branches on that tree, it symbolizes the long pause period we been having ever since that trajectory day. But no matter how much had happen, i simply can't forget you or be separated from you. Like the trees too.

I began to open my memory box, the first thing i saw was our picture taken in the bus. Soon, the chocolate wrapper from a chocolate bar which you brought to my house just to share it with me. The most emotional thing that really make me break down was this A4 size paper, a mind-map we did about us. That one portion where i wrote a small dedication to you, i didn't realized you reply until today. You wrote, " you're welcome, ly too..". The moment i saw that, i cried buckets till now. You have no idea how much i've been missing you. Like every time i am trying my best to distract myself from thinking about you, but every night you are the first and the last person came in my mind. And for had happened today, you said.. " i miss him too.." really really make me feel better. Having saying that i'm your only good friend you ever accepted in your life make it a plus bonus point for it. I've never been this way since you left, now it only means one thing;

I need you back in my life.. I really terribly deeply incredibly missing you so much..

I need you.

Who needs the world, when i got you.

★FiR.

Affronted, bend out of shape.

What a perfect weather to just laze around doing nothing and sleeping is an ideal solution for it don't ya think? Oh well, today is perfectly a normal routine at school. Nothing much happened at class or tutorial, let me repeat the word: Class.

Just a random post, if somehow going to school is a ideal place for having yourself portrays as a popularity contest, come on, there's so many other people in that school that has many other things to think about than your beauty and boastfulness. Your actions are ticking us off. Yeah, you do have that beauty so be humble about it ya. The people there are not yours alone. They have every right to know who they want to and not only you plus its just a campus with some playful and irritating mats and minahs which are being bitchy at times having a hot gf/bf. Grow up already alright? So what? Please, for once, be humble upon yourself. .

To that Malay cum Eurasian looking girl, I've met you once in the train, you gave me the first smile, today, at cafe 2, you gave me a smile twice! Argh! I'm falling in love with you. God, what's your name girl? (: Your smile melts me totally babe. I'm looking forward to seeing you in school. OMG! She's so hot sia!

Anyone up for Powerhouse this Saturday?
(: (:

★FiR.

The indecent uptight.

Balance brought down, requisition number, delivery order . . . Well that's some of the new things i've learn in school today. Which is perfectly a wake up brain call for me. I've managed to do stocks invoice today. And some stockholders work.

Well basically for today, my day is very mundane and dull. Besides school, i've nothing else to look forward, as for today that is. Well practically I'm just doing absolutely nothing, well, besides indulging myself with Magnum of course, new stocks just came into my fridge. (:

Truth is, i have no idea what's going on with you, you started it, and the promises you make are just words that's symbolises air. For once, really prove me that you meant what you've said. Cos honestly, i guess my efforts for you are more than the efforts i've put upon myself. So please. If you hate me or have some hidden motive, do tell me now and don't make me hurt in the later stage of my life.

Kin, whatever you're doing, do remember to not stressing yourself more. Do take a break once in a while alright. Take care. And for your dad, i'll pray for recovery soon k (: cheer up babe.

★FiR.

Secondary 5's.

Raya outing with some of the sec 5's. It was adorably fun time yesterday. The usual jokes and stupid things done by them are always a crowd entertainer.

I ate too much that I am having a massive stomach ache. Tomorrow school at 10, argh!

I still deeply missed you once in a while, why .. damn.

Intan Diyana, thanks for cheering up my day (:
Can't wait to meet you soon.

★FiR.

Part 2.

As how predictable life can be, i would have known what's install for me tomorrow. Which is absolutely great. But no, its not gonna happened and will never will.

I had the best fun at work today, like for the first time ever, i am really keen in doing work at work, as in, not that i never did, but yeah, I've did quite alright. With the other colleagues, we managed to have total sales of 24(?) today. Met new staff like Aiman, a great friendly guy, Atiqah and Jin Quan. Vio, Guan Zhong and Raudha was there too. And Raudha, please study, please okay for your upcoming O's. (: I somehow missed my other ex-colleagues that was once at backend and cafe.

Tomorrow Raya outing with the clan to Ms Noraiza's and Mdm Jamila's house and respective houses. Like Raya is so cliche already don't you think? But the clan tomorrow is awesomely fun to be with so yeah, won't bother much.

My eyes are dropping to be close but had to force it open cos I'm meeting Sally later on. Look at the time doh.

★FiR.

First Day.

The best medicine for cheering my day (:

Some random shots with Raudha's Laptop. (: As you can see, i'm at work.
Yes, i'm still working at nEbo, like thank god, cos i guess, its an opportunity.

Yesterday Shikin's Birthday celebration with the 2006 O's GV alumni like Sally, Sharizan, Ariff, Leen and Apen was awesome. They do come a long way till now sticking together as friends still. Its true that their batch was much more matured after theirs. Its really fun to be with them.

I'm learning to be and must be matured.. So, today's the first day of becoming a 21 year old mindset. Not trying but have to.

★FiR.